Lingyuan's blog

Last Friday October 3rd, Kaleb Joseph came to the Hill School to give a talk. Unbeknownst to me, it would be the most impactful talk I’ve ever listened to in my two plus years of listening to speakers. In this talk, he opened up about his own struggles with mental health in an incredible talk about this important issue. In addition, he focused on the social taboo and stigma surrounding mental health, leading to the lack of discussion about this extremely important and common problem. 

Kaleb opened the talk being extremely open about how he felt giving this talk, and that for him, even after giving tens of talks, it was still scary and difficult. Then, he went on to talk about his own childhood living with his mother who was going through depression. One of the major points he mentioned was that from a young age, he felt a tremendous amount of pressure to succeed and support his family, from as early as 5th grade. This is an incredible amount of pressure to place on themself especially at such a young age. This pressure would be what ultimately propelled him to the forefront of high school basketball, as it pushed him constantly to practice and work as hard as he could. However, this pressure would be his own undoing as when the critical period of high school arrived, Kaleb’s mental health caught up to him and he simply did not have the skills or environment necessary to deal with the extreme mental side of professional basketball, leading him to spiral. While this is one of the more severe consequences of his poor mental health, it had much larger and long-lasting effects on his life and general happiness. 

By opening the talk in this way, he set the tone for the rest of the talk. During the talk, at one point, I could sense a shift in the atmosphere, where everyone had a collective ‘oh shit’ moment as they realized the true gravity of the subject matter. In addition to the contents of his life story, one must recognize that even more inspiring was the immense courage that Kaleb demonstrated in sharing his story with an audience of more than 500 strangers. More than simply demonstrating the consequences of poor mental health, his courage was what truly created a safe atmosphere that allowed students to truly reflect on their own experiences, myself included.

One example of this was in a later segment of the talk when he asked members of the audience to share their own experiences and reasons why they may be afraid to open up to people around them. At first, no one wanted to share. In a way this was to be expected, proving exactly Kaleb’s point. However, when one person was brave enough to share, more and more people began to raise their hands. As a couple more people answered, others raised their own hands, answering the call. After merely 5 or 6 responses, 30 or more hands were now in the air. Despite it being extremely difficult and uncomfortable, as people became more and more comfortable with talking about it, more and more people wanted to share their own experiences. In a powerful display, it became obvious that though many people may hide their problems, that did not make it any less prevalent or powerful.

Perhaps most memorable of all was when Kaleb asked us to think of our friends and relationships in terms of three sections: an outer section of people you know in general, a middle section of people you are friends with but still keep at arm’s length, and an inner circle of people who truly know you and you are completely comfortable opening up with. Afterwards, he asked the audience of nearly 600 students and faculty to raise their hands if they had at least 5 people in their inner circle, after which there was not a hand in sight. While I personally found that the number of 5 was much too high and that 2 or 3 would be more realistic, it still demonstrated Kaleb’s point of people’s inability to be open with others in our current community or society. Perhaps my own opinion that 5 being too high can also be seen as an artifact of my own hesitancies about opening up. Still, this was a powerful demonstration that showed that though people struggle with different things or to differing degrees, the fact that other people also struggled with being open was extremely freeing and dispelled any negative thoughts I had about my own situation. 

After the assembly, students were allowed the opportunity to stay behind to ask more questions and have a more personal discussion with the speaker. When I went, I was surprised to see at least 30 or 40 kids who were all curious to learn more. What surprised me was how diverse the group of kids were, from kids who were notable extroverts with lots of friends to people from different social circles or athletics or more children from all four different grades. To me, this only further showed how common these mental health issues were.

The reason for writing this blog was not simply to regale you all about this incredible, almost spiritual, experience. Instead, I hope to raise awareness for this issue. I encourage all of you to go and talk about your own issues with your close friends and create more discussion about mental health. No matter how isolating your issues may feel, I promise you, you are not alone. While the exact details of your situations may differ, other people, having their own problems, will share in the general experience in dealing with these problems and the flurry of emotions and baggage that comes with it. 

Most importantly, if they are friends that you are truly close with, think not about troubling or burdening them with your issues but about how you would feel yourself if you found out that one of these friends were struggling and did not feel comfortable enough to talk to you about it, or if something were to happen to them because of that fact. Just as you would inevitably feel regret for not helping them, in your situation, they would feel the exact same way about you. 

In this important topic, I wish to do my part in creating more discussion. However, this simple blog post does nothing to highlight the extent of the issue nor its importance. Instead I would like to divert you guys to Kaleb Joseph’s movement, Self Help Tour, found at selfhelptour.com. In addition, if you are struggling with something and are in a situation were you are able to, I strongly suggest you talk to your friends or talk to a therapist. After all, vulnerability is not a sign of weakness. Afterall, it takes far more courage than the inverse.